The Child Knows the Way

We had an 8 year old boy join us for a family session. He didn’t want to be there and he made it perfectly clear. He was angry and sullen. Some kind words reassured him that he did not have to participate. With that said, he was volunteering to participate within minutes. Watching his face he appeared older than his years, tired and vulnerable all at the same time. His face has haunted me since then. I spent time drawing that face and it seemed to speak to me saying “Don’t give up on me.” 

 

All stirred up today

Two days ago I read an online report by BBC News entitled “America’s Child Death Shame.” I felt flooded with emotions mainly deep sadness and anger. Why is this happening in our country? Why can’t people face this horrible but real situation. Why must children suffer? As the BBC article states America has the worst child abuse record in the industrial world.Every five hours a child dies of child abuse or neglect in our country. This is unimaginable and should not be tolerated. Our country that has so much wealth, so many resources cannot allow this situation to continue.

This is not the time for blaming and shaming anyone, any system, any leader or a lack of leadership. This is the time for people to take action. This is the time to come out of denial and do SOMETHING. It is easy to berate parents and guardians. That gets us nowhere. How can we understand unless we have walked in their shoes? It is time for all of us to stand up for those who do not have a voice. We need to support children’s rights and children’s services. We need to help families to find the resources that they need. There is a way that is balanced, fair and cost effective.  The faces of these children cut deep into my soul. I cannot forget. I will not forget.

I don’t know the first thing about blogging but I am learning. I do know that blogging gives people a voice, a platform to talk about what they are passionate about. I am passionate about children and families. One of my favorite things to do with a child is to join in moments of total spontaneity. If I can meet a child in that place, magic happens. I learned early on to develop the art of distraction. A background in dramatics and improvisation helped. How can you de-escalate an angry child? Try making a funny face or turning into a character from their favorite movie. My experience has been than more times than not laughter would follow. I love to hear a child laugh!

Silence

The house is silent most of the time right now. Sometimes I really miss having a house full of children – laughing, sharing their fears and hopes and dreams. They were dreaming of going home, always fantasizing about having the perfect life, the perfect family. All too often we had to explain that things did not work out as they had planned. There are no perfect families. It was so hard bursting their bubbles. But somehow it was enough just to acknowledge the pain and the devastating disappointment when adults let them down. It was enough to just sit with them during their tantrums and explosions. Because deep down what they really needed was a witness and someone to hold their hand tight as they tried to make sense of it all.

He was an eight year old boy who was found by the police when he was just two years old in his pajamas one mile away from his home. Now he lived in our group home. He sat at the table with a staff person sharing one of his first meals with us gobbling up food as if it was his very last meal. The staff person gently reminded him to use his napkin to which he replied: ” Are you going to hit me?” He was afraid of thunderstorms and would fly into unexplained fits of rage. On Christmas morning he had no one to visit him.He went into the hospital to get his meds evaluated. I think he thought we were leaving him there. When we showed up at the hospital for a visit, he turned, recognized us and ran down the length of the hall to us saying.”Friends are family.”

Loving a child

Today I spent most of the day with my grand nephew. I had six hours of non stop running, hiding behind the sofa, being chased, putting seashells in to a basket and stirring them up with a large spoon, changing a soggy diaper, singing Hi Lili, Hi Lo, feeding him cheerios , cuddling,having my hair arranged by him with a large comb,hiding behind a large blanket:then being found. I am exhausted but want to do it all over again tomorrow. It all ended with a big smooch. Now I have a hole in my heart after saying goodbye.

I talked to a colleague the other day and she stated that a toddler is in this amazing magical world so full of life, of himself, in love with the world around him and able to converse with angels and birds and all sorts of animals because he lives so fully in the present moment. Dear God, I pray that I can live that way. I pray that I can be fully alive and present no matter what may occur in my life tomorrow. I learn so much from children.

Raising Star

PASSION:  intense, driving, or overpowering feeling or emotion, Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Websters.

I have been called intense, passionate and driven. What drives my passion? Things that I read like the article that appeared in the Boston Globe two days ago about child abuse in this country. “An increase in child abuse, mostly affecting infants, is linked with the recent recession in new research that raises fresh concerns about the effect of the nation’s  economic woes.”

Ten years ago I started a non-profit organization to help abused and neglected children. We operated a group home for six years: six mind numbing, excruciatingly difficult, crisis laden, exhausting and emotionally charged years of giving 100% to children who needed us twenty-four seven. Two and a half years ago our program closed but their stories still ring in my ears. I want to share them with you, with someone, with anyone who will listen. Children are my passion. It is when I am in the presence of a child that I am truly in the presence of God